This thread is named based on an article of the same name:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/09/090922132844.htm

I think I will remember such lie for the rest of my life. Even though I didn't think much about it, I do remember it alot. I guess I remember it because of its emotional content. Most lie our parent told us is not because of their gulliblity, but because they're intentionally trying to cause FEAR, SYMPATHY and ANTICIPATION inside us, such that we are compelled to do something.

i.e My parent induce SYMPATHY in me when I do not finish my food (er... don't ask me about it), and FEAR for protruding my head out of the car window while the car is moving... but luckily, there isn't much of it. Phew!
_

I thought some writer call this action "mindf..k". It is an action of expressing certain things to people such that the victim became emotionally disturbed, such that he or she became compelled to do things that we expected him or her to do.

Psychological manipulation with a harsh non-professional name: http://lerner-reviews.blogspot.com/2009/03/colin-mcginn-mindfcking-critique-of.html
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What about religion? would it count as a lie? If our parent believe in teological reasoning, then we can't say that they are lying, true? e.g "finish the food, wasting is an act of devil... devil ends up in HELL!"

You seem to have some personal problems with your parents. How does this belong on the forum, and shouldn't you work it out with them?

How do you feel about your father?


My parents told me a few lies. Some of which I took a little hard.

They were a bit manipulative in some emotional ways.

Mostly I pity them, and it was my own idea of what their expectations were that haunted me more than anything they every really said or intended.

Later I discovered that the child actually has much more manipulative power over the parents emotions than the other-way around.

I spent years and years trying to get as far away from them as possible. I'm not over it yet. Of the internal fascisms I personally need to destroy, my hate and guilt feelings towards my parents are at the top of the list.

I get what your saying, but I feel this is kind of an over reaction, or you've had a bad experience with your parents.

I remember my mom used to use the expression: "There must be something in the water" when a lot of women would become pregnant, or something similar. That used to terrify me. I just now realized thats probably why I dont drink a lot of water

Give me sword and shield, so I may strike them together.
The open step and the horizon cluttered or barren.
No longer the submissive of fate.
Fleet of foot in the dealings of the walking dead.
Striped of all fears, installed and believed.
Hearing not the chatter of fools.
Let what is to be come, it will meet a driven heart and a strong arm.

Hey Quietus... I don't understand your poem. Are you fighting against zombies?

I take it none of you all are parents yet???????

I take it none of you all are parents yet???????
I am! So far I have managed not to lie to my child. However he does not understand language.

Quote:

Later I discovered that the child actually has much more manipulative power over the parents emotions than the other-way around

.
I see this.

My own parents are lovely. They have their own emotional disorders for sure, but don't we all.

Yep wait till the little one starts talking walking and getting into things.
Parents are not given manuals nor are children perfect. Parenting is like trying to build a house with dysfunctional tools and faulty materials. You do the best you can. Lies are a parenting tool that can be at times very neccessary. Some parents rely on it far too much though. Because parenting to them is hard very hard.

"I take it none of you all are parents yet???????"

you would be in error kriswest at least as it pertains to me.

" Lies are a parenting tool that can be at times very neccessary. "

when a man lies, he murders some part of of the world. why would one start with their own children.

A tad dramatic there are you not? He murders some part of the world??? Cripes thats a load of hooey. I suppose you don't ever have to lie to your kid if you break their spirit and create abject fear of you in them or I suppose you could just kill their will to live and dream by being always truthful to them. the world is a damn scary place for adults , you always tell the truth , the straight truth to a kid you may end up with a paranoid human afraid of their own shadow. Truth and lies are tools to be parents and humans in a social setting. Truth can harm just as much as a lie. A person that claims to always tells the truth is not a person to be trusted. If they do really tell only the truth then they are not to be trusted.

i must have gleaned that in some yellow press (association?), and i wonder why someone yesterday said he was "considering .... a bunch of wild ducks ..."

kriswest i pity your lack of courage, a child's parent should always be the one place/person they can get the truth and not question it. and to your other statement it only strengthen my grown sons it did not crush them.

No lack of courage here, just common sense. total truth to a child can warp their mind just as total lies can. You must have a very calm straightforward easy life if you actually never lied to your kids. Most people do not.

i commend you on your civility. perchance the "common sense" that you speak of is very much responsible for the state of the world such as it is. and yes we are not most "people" i strive to be better than that and i have taught my sons to do so as well. the adversity of life is not a validation for a poor psychological constitution.

Most humans strive to be better ,strive to be more than their parents. One day perhaps society wiil allow for only truth to be told. But right now human emotions will not allow for truth to always be told. Emotions must be considered when one speaks to another or teaches another. Perhaps one day we will lose our emotions and become something else.

how one is taught to deal with their emotions dictates whether they can handle the truth or not.

dictates..? noted.

lavender orchid. do you take umbrage to the word "dictates"?

lavender orchid, then peace and clarity.

dictate
2 a : to issue as an order b : to impose, pronounce, or specify authoritatively c : to require or determine necessarily

umbrage
: a feeling of pique or resentment at some often fancied slight or insult.

is how i employed them.

what would be a sterile environment?
all these speculations can only be wrong, because not even the smartest calculating computer can catch up with all the ceteris paribus in a world of over 6 billion people, all with an entirely individual cosmos in their minds.

LOL How the heck would I know what a sterile environment be. One without negativity i suppose. One with out fear , pain without anything bad i presume. That is kind of impossible though. Every family has familial crap, some more some less. As far as calculations being wrong perhaps but then that makes my point does it not?

kriswest:

we are talking about "lies my parents told me".
my parents could only tell me what a most gruelling zeitgeist allowed them to both absorb and reflect.

all i can be, therefore, is an awareness of going in many directions, each with a different time span (a half life, if you wish to call it that) until the composites of body and mind get dissolved in unaccompanied and unmet emptiness.

i guess it's nice to call it nirvana.

Yes it is about lies parents tell us. Each parent must decide what to tell their child based upon their concience and that particular child's abilities to absorb the truth. Not all children can mentally handle truth the same way. It is ridiculous to say that all children are the same.
Lies at times are better for a child than truth.
Nirvana has always sounded dull.

and your decisions have been ....? guess what: what can be gathered and absorbed is not enough for an ongoing dialogue, but more than frustrating.
(imho, since you are entitled to treat others like that.)

LOL I can't recall my decions for our son. He is a man 25 yrs. I can't give accurate details on raisng the boy just general rules of thumbs.
i agree about dialogue. entitled and treat others , really you think there is entitlement?